Rumpology

Rumpology or bottom reading is a pseudoscience that pretend to read the lines, crevices, dimples, warts, moles and folds of a person's buttocks to divine his character and future.

Etymology

Derived from the English rump ('firmament') and Greek logia ('study')

History

Rumpology was invented by American astrologer Jackie Stallone who claims that rumpology is known to have been practiced in ancient times by the Babylonians, the Indians, and the Ancient Greeks and Romans, although she provides no evidence for this claim.

In addition to live readings, Jackie Stallone will perform buttock readings using e-mailed digital photographs, and has claimed to predict the outcome of Presidential elections and Oscar awards by reading the bottoms of her two pet Doberman Pinschers. Ulf Buck claims he can read people's futures by feeling their naked buttocks.

Methods

Rumpologist have a variety of theories as to the meaning of different posterior characteristics. According to Stallone, the left and right buttocks reveal a person's past and future, respectively. She has also commented that “The crack of your behind corresponds to the division of the two hemispheres of the brain”. Her rump report, she says, can tell you “whether you are going ass-backwards (into that little closet called the left brain)” or are going forward with the right brain.
According to blind German clairvoyant and rumpologist, Ulf Beck, “an apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth”.
The British rumpologist Sam Amos also uses shape to diagnose personality and claims that “A round bottom indicates the person is open, happy and optimistic in life. However, a flat bottom suggests the person is rather vain and is negative and sad.”
Rumpology can be performed either by sight, touch or by using buttock prints.

Famous

Jackie Stallone's son Sylvester is also an advocate of rumpology, with reports he had introduced the practice to the British model Kate, in return for which she bought him a door from Elvis Presley's Graceland home. Singer and actress Barbra Streisand is also a devotee. Sam Amos claims to have been asked to read the behinds of Robbie Williams, David and Victoria Beckham and Geri Halliwell.

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