Signs of Unlife – Lestat

I’ve always found those little lists describing how you might be obsessed with something really amusing, so I thought I’d try my hand at writing one of my own. Since I’m admittedly obsessed with Lestat, this should only come naturally, but keep in mind, not everything here is autobiographical; I’m guessing you’ll be smart enough to know when I’m being sarcastic and when I’m not.

You Might Be Obsessed With Lestat If…

1. You have a cat/dog/fish/salamander named Lestat.
2. You’re violently allergic (I’m talking boils and flaking skin here) to cats and/or dogs, but you went out and got one anyway just so you could name it Lestat.
3. You have no use for actual cats and/or dogs, so you went out and got one of those computer programs that lets you have a little virtual kitty or doggy that hops around your desktop, and you named that Lestat.
4. You abhor animals of any kind (real or digital), so you went out and stole a baby so you could name him Lestat.
5. If you’re a girl, you’ll only date guys that have vibrant blond hair, grey eyes, a fairly short narrow nose, a well-shaped mouth, and that are around six feet tall. It helps if they have a French accent as well.
6. If you’re a guy, you’ll only date guys that have vibrant blond hair, grey eyes, a fairly short narrow nose, a well-shaped mouth, and that are around six feet tall. You’re a stickler for French accents as well.
7. If you actually have vibrant blond hair, grey eyes, a fairly short narrow nose, a well-shaped mouth, and are around six feet tall, you’ll only date guys with long black hair and bright green eyes who may or may not be more than a little melancholy.
8. You have vanity plates on your car that say “LESTAT” or “BRTPRNC”.
9. You actually went down to the DMV and tried to register for vanity plates containing the above, but since the names were already taken you went out and killed whoever had registered those names and then returned to the DMV to claim what was rightfully yours in the first place.
10. You refer to your parents as “Those Who Must Be Kept.”
11. Whenever you get into a verbal argument with a friend, instead of telling them they’re really stupid and you hate them, you just say they’re the sum of their flaws. Then you go back to your house and remain really bitter over them, and become so frustrated that they just can’t see things your way. Then you realize you love them nonetheless and become even closer than you ever were before.
12. When you get detention from the principal for doing something bad and the principal tells you that if you hope to get by in this world you just have to follow the rules, you say “Rules? Ha! I like to break rules the way mortals like to smash crystal glasses against the bricks of the fireplace!”
13. You go to a craft store and buy those little beads that have the letters on them, and then spend an entire afternoon making bracelets and necklaces that say “Lestat” on them.
14. When you were in French class and had to pick French names for the semester, you seriously considered picking “Lestat.”
15. You worked in a video store for five years, and the whole time you were there you made them keep “Interview With the Vampire” in the Staff Reccomendations section, even though the choices were supposed to be frequently changed. If somebody ever took “Interview With the Vampire” out of the staff reccomendations section, you always put it back.
16. In working in said video store, your affinity for Lestat became so well-known amongst the staff that when your boss obtained a special advanced copy of the special edition of IWtV, you didn’t even have to ask for it, she just forked it over.
17. When watching your video/DVD copy of “Interview With the Vampire”, you won’t turn the movie off to rewind it until you see the name “Lestat” scroll off the screen during the credits.
18. When you go into Wal-Mart, you actually do become spellbound (and not just because of the low low prices).
19. When you watch your younger brother/sister and they start whining for something, instead of smacking them around you just roll your eyes, sigh, and say “Oh [insert sibling’s name here] still whining [insert name]? I’ve had to listen to that for centuries!”
20. You take a philosophy class in the hopes that one day your instructor will discuss morality, and then when he starts talking about good and evil, you can raise your hand and say “Well, evilis a point of view…”
21. You don’t carry pictures of boyfriends or family members in your wallet like any normal person would. Instead, you’ve got a laminated rendition of Tom Cruise as Lestat, conveniently clipped from a magazine article on the film version of IWtV, nestled snuggly betwixt your credit cards. (I absolutely refuse to comment on the validity of this statement insofar as it pertains to me).
22. You take a statistics class just so you can say “I’d love to talk, but I have to go to Stat.” [sent in by Vic]
23. Whenever someone is a room says, “What’s that?” You jump up and scream, “Who said Lestat?!?!?!?” [sent in by Rae]
24. You own Lestat memorabilia, including a T-shirt you wear all the time, regardless that it is twenty sixes to big for you. [sent in by Rae]
25. If you can’t sleep at night, you quickly grab the nearest copy of The Vampire Lestat and cuddle it like a teddy bear…. [sent in by Rae]
26. If a transfer student comes to your school, a transfer student with blonde hair, pale skin, and wild eyes, you run to him and say, “Nice try buddy..I know who you are…uh huh…can’t fool me….” then ignore the awkward glances everyone gives you. [sent in by Rae]
27. You have honestly considered naming your son Lestat…and managed to convince your family it’s a good idea. [sent in by Mia Aisha Serenity]
28. You have a dog named Mojo and are convinced he is bilingual. [sent in by Mia Aisha Serenity]
29. You have made a genuine attempt to find Theatre Des Vampires…and actually came up with an address. [sent in by Mia Aisha Serenity]
30. You know all the Vampire Lestat lyrics by heart, and sing them for no particular reason. [sent in by Mia Aisha Serenity]
31. Your parents have given up calling you by your first name. You are now Lestat, Louis, Gabrielle, or Armand to them. [sent in by Mia Aisha Serenity]
32. You are coming up with entries for this list when you should be doing your Psychology homework. [sent in by Mia Aisha Serenity]
33. You have, at some point or another, convinced yourself that vampires are real. They live among you and you can find one if you know what to say. (I myself am dead set on this one. Wait until my first book comes out). [sent in by Mia Aisha Serenity]